okay so the thing is i think the fact that my grandfather is gone still haven't sink in. the last week had been pretty weird.everything is still very surreal actually and i really hate the felling because it's like freaking weird.

so actually the 4 of us don't want to go back to Indo because we're like scared.which is a very stupid reason really. ok so anyway we went back and we went to the wake straight from the airport.i swear i was damn scared so when we reach there, all the family was like praying so then we have to like talk to my grandpa and when i saw his picture in front of my damn eyes i started crying i really couldn't control myself.so then my father approached us and he brought us to the coffin and he started to cry while he like talked to my grandpa. it was crazy because i never saw my father cried before all my life i'm serious.so after that i kind of calm down and we started to chatted with my cousins and all.so anyway the wake wasn't that bad i mean it's like so tiring because every hour or so we have to pray and the prayer lasted for about an hour each and most of the time we have to stand up.i really wondered how my mother do its for like about 4 days she joined every single prayer!she's so good i tell you. so anyway the wake didn't really feel like a wake because everyone still jokes around unless a person starts to cry and we will feel shitty all over again but it wont last so long.so we still joke around and all so it just felt like a family gathering (this sounds so wrong haha)

so anyway i think my aunties(and my mom) somehow think that my tata knows that he's going to passed away soon because he somehow behaved differently since he came back from China.so i also this so because when he's here, he kept on treating us to dinner and all man.really like seriously we kept on eating at the restaurant downstairs..we ate crabs and all.he really liked crabs and he paid lots of times ( he's usually quite thrifty..) so anyway he really wanted to eat kushin-bo at suntec before he go back to Indo but the place was like under renovation =( so the day before he passed away, he shaked every one of our workers' hand and he gave each of them advice.a few hours before his death he gave my maid some money..

so i'm kinda glad that i always went to parkway with him when he was here.. haha.okay so that time i went to parkway with him i was walking with him and he suddenly said something to me.so it goes like this.

Tata : " You know among all your sisters i love you the most."
Me : *smile like an idiot instead of saying i love him too*

That is like so freaking sweet of him because he never say such thing before.so that time i went back to Indo.my aunty(which is also my godmother) told me that my tata told her that he loves me the most and nobody should say that i'm short again.OMG my tears are flowing out like a freaking tap now i can't stand it.

Anyway.the cremation day was like the craziest day because i think everybody cried the most that day.i'm really lazy to elaborate what really happened.
so after seeing my tata's coffin, saw him being burn and turn into ashes and i even picked up some of his bones and watched the bones being crushed into dust i still can't believe that he's gone.

I'm kinda miss him actually. i miss how he can made me feel irritated because he was such a perfectionist.he always made my sisters do all the tables and labels for his medicine (he never asked me because i'm hopeless,i can't use excel haha) and it's very hard because he want everything to be exactly the same as he wanted it to be!and my sisters were really frustrated everytime he asked them to do stuff.and how he always write his name on everything like his dry cover and all that.and how he always take back tissues and keep it in his shelves haha there's still like lots of that kinda tissues in his shelves ='(

I'm sad. and i love him. i really do.