"So what would you do if i only have 5 more days left to live?"
"I'll marry you."


and it's been 5 years and 8 months babe.

Everything by Michael Buble

You're a falling star, you're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.


And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man
,And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
'Cause you're my everything
Yeah, yeah

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la


Hmmmm.Michael buble is <3

I'm pretty much disappointed with my term test results..very disappointed in fact but then i dont think i have the right to feel this way because i know i didn't study properly.i was super duper distracted during the term test week and i don't know why.
anyway i'm watching chibi maruko-chan on crunchyroll now.haha it's retarded and funny and i like it.hoho.sigh sigh there's logbook to be done.so siann.

I'm supposed to be sleeping now because there's like freaking CSAS at 9 tomorrow! but well.haha
the wind outside is like freaking scary .my sis said there'll be storm?haha what the hell.anyway i'm serious it's damn scary i'm scared my window will break or something .
anyway i knew something like this will happen!the rainwater leak into the room i just knew it man!!
so..will be meeting jeffrey tomorrow.Yay.okay that's it..
want to change template during the holiday but i dont know how and there's like no time seriously.so maybe..i'll do it..next time then haha

okay so the thing is i think the fact that my grandfather is gone still haven't sink in. the last week had been pretty weird.everything is still very surreal actually and i really hate the felling because it's like freaking weird.

so actually the 4 of us don't want to go back to Indo because we're like scared.which is a very stupid reason really. ok so anyway we went back and we went to the wake straight from the airport.i swear i was damn scared so when we reach there, all the family was like praying so then we have to like talk to my grandpa and when i saw his picture in front of my damn eyes i started crying i really couldn't control myself.so then my father approached us and he brought us to the coffin and he started to cry while he like talked to my grandpa. it was crazy because i never saw my father cried before all my life i'm serious.so after that i kind of calm down and we started to chatted with my cousins and all.so anyway the wake wasn't that bad i mean it's like so tiring because every hour or so we have to pray and the prayer lasted for about an hour each and most of the time we have to stand up.i really wondered how my mother do its for like about 4 days she joined every single prayer!she's so good i tell you. so anyway the wake didn't really feel like a wake because everyone still jokes around unless a person starts to cry and we will feel shitty all over again but it wont last so long.so we still joke around and all so it just felt like a family gathering (this sounds so wrong haha)

so anyway i think my aunties(and my mom) somehow think that my tata knows that he's going to passed away soon because he somehow behaved differently since he came back from China.so i also this so because when he's here, he kept on treating us to dinner and all man.really like seriously we kept on eating at the restaurant downstairs..we ate crabs and all.he really liked crabs and he paid lots of times ( he's usually quite thrifty..) so anyway he really wanted to eat kushin-bo at suntec before he go back to Indo but the place was like under renovation =( so the day before he passed away, he shaked every one of our workers' hand and he gave each of them advice.a few hours before his death he gave my maid some money..

so i'm kinda glad that i always went to parkway with him when he was here.. haha.okay so that time i went to parkway with him i was walking with him and he suddenly said something to me.so it goes like this.

Tata : " You know among all your sisters i love you the most."
Me : *smile like an idiot instead of saying i love him too*

That is like so freaking sweet of him because he never say such thing before.so that time i went back to Indo.my aunty(which is also my godmother) told me that my tata told her that he loves me the most and nobody should say that i'm short again.OMG my tears are flowing out like a freaking tap now i can't stand it.

Anyway.the cremation day was like the craziest day because i think everybody cried the most that day.i'm really lazy to elaborate what really happened.
so after seeing my tata's coffin, saw him being burn and turn into ashes and i even picked up some of his bones and watched the bones being crushed into dust i still can't believe that he's gone.

I'm kinda miss him actually. i miss how he can made me feel irritated because he was such a perfectionist.he always made my sisters do all the tables and labels for his medicine (he never asked me because i'm hopeless,i can't use excel haha) and it's very hard because he want everything to be exactly the same as he wanted it to be!and my sisters were really frustrated everytime he asked them to do stuff.and how he always write his name on everything like his dry cover and all that.and how he always take back tissues and keep it in his shelves haha there's still like lots of that kinda tissues in his shelves ='(

I'm sad. and i love him. i really do.

i really really hate it when someone keeps on giving me food to eat and he even cooked especially for me then while i'm eating the food that he cooked..he said.. i think you're getting fatter. WHAT IS THIS I ASK YOU! jefferson you idiot. you asked me to eat and you said i'm getting fatter.? so sickening right.

I feel scared for my grandpa
I know he's scared of dying
I wondered what was he thinking of before he passed
and i wonder how's my grandma doing (and thinking)
they've been fighting for like forever so i really wondered whether the fought before all these things happened (and whether they've made peace after that)
I just feel so damn weird inside
I kinda expected this before i called my mama but then again of course i wished that i was wrong

The last words that i said to my grandpa was take care..and thats like about 2 weeks ago.
shit seriously i don't even know what i'm trying to say here but everything is just jumping around in my mind now and i know whatever i typed here doesnt make sense but seriously i dont really care because i just need to let it all out.
and i was looking through pictures and i realise i never took any picture with my grandfather.can you believe that? I've been living with my granpa for almost my whole life because he always stay with my family and i never took any picture with him? what is this seriously.

shit.

so the term test is over.I'm supposed to be happy.but I'm not.

'Life is, and always will be, the greatest irony. It now seems like Term-test was just a pre-test for the problems that are about to come. The grueling week, or so I thought, ended today but this very day, my mother told me things that made me disappointed and sad.'

so yes that's what Caroline wrote in her blog.should i put in cite citation? (how the hell do you spell it?)

so anyway i don't know what should i blog about because i really can't describe what I'm feeling inside which sucks really.

but then again what can i do? some things are inevitable. Most probably i'll be going back to Indo on Monday and maybe i'll stay until the 19th or something.i'm not too sure myself.

so everyone..i'm sorry because i can't organise the sakae outing okay.if you all want then you all organise it yourselves.haha

In less than 9 hours i'll be free! oh my goodness i can't wait!!
1 last paper 1 last paper and after that i'll be free for 2 weeks!!haha (ok actually not really because there's like assignments to do) but still.it's still a 2 weeks break woohooo.
okay so.nothing interesting happen for this week because..all i did all week was just studying.
hmm i really really miss my eldest sis and my younger brother =(

4 more papers to go.anyway mgen paper is like gone case i tell you.i almost cried when i see all the damn questions seriously the paper was freaking crazy!
okay so jeffrey was being nice today because he wanted to buy dinner and deliver it to my place because he knows there's no food at my house haha so in the end he came down and we ate together at the retaurant downstairs haha yayy this is like the first proper meal that i ate in like 1 week.
anyway i can't wait for the term test to be over man!so Aaron just saved my life because he explain about the presentation of endogeneous antigen to me.haha
okay i'm going to study again ='( argh save me i really hate studyinggg.!!!!

i think the novelty of this new blog is wearing off haha anyway i really hate term test.. 4 more days and its over man!
i can't wait.anyway as usual..i'm supposed to study but well obviously i'm not studying. okay so i blocked this guy on my msn list because he keeps on bugging me and going on and on about how short i am. what an ass like seriously it's really ok if he's only joking (ok actually i know he's joking) but then every single time i'm online he'll talk to me and he'll say something that indicates that i'm short.my goodness he's really getting on my nerves.i mean i know i'm short like hello who the hell doesnt know that but well is it he's damn problem that i'm short? the answer is NO.so anyway i hope that his girlfriend oh better, still his wife will be shorter than i am so that i can suan him all his life.HAHAHAHA! evilevil. not in a very good mood now because i'm really very sick of studying (and falling asleep halfway).

hmm i'm really happy for Mai cause she got into NAFA hoho!

I dreamt that the term test is over. and in the dream i even thought that wow it feels like only a minute ago i was bitching about the term test but now it's over!(which is literally true)
how very annoying! i woke up and i realise i still have to study because in reality the term test haven't even started. ok i'm off to study now.

5 reasons why i should be studying now instead of slacking/blogging now :

1. The term test is just a weekend away.
2. I still don't understand lots of stuffs.
3. I'm going out tomorrow.
4. I want to do well for the term test.
5. I'm stupid.

5 reasons why I'm not studying :

1. I'm lazy.
2. I'm sleepy.
3-5. see number 1

This is the first time i panicked before term test. It's only term test you know. i dont even want to imagine what will happen before exam starts.but then again.. the panicky(?) feeling that i have can't beat my laziness. anyway. i'm off to sleep now. haha

i feel so freaking discouraged after i read my PCT and FPath's notes like seriously i swear i dont have any will to study anymore. i dont understand any shit for PCT like all those callus and somatic embryo and organogenesis shit (yes i know it's my fault for not listening during lectures) but Mr Kok's voice can really make you sleep 'cause its like monotone i'm serious! and for FPath.. the notes is full of technical terms and i dont know what the shit they meant. I'm so going to die for term test this sem. argh how now.
friendster has been sending me all this crap email notifying me that my friends are posting bulletin?what the freak? i dont care if they posted any bulletins.! the sounds of incoming emails are so irritating.
i just found out that my baicai plants are dying. so sad.all the fungi are growing inside my plate cause the plate breaks apart! and it broke apart because the baicai are growing and they're tall now.so freaking disgusting!
oh btw, Caroline said the blog title won't be shown in the blog..anyway she's wrong! she said that so i just type stupid things like 'whatever' for my blog title.so now it looks damn ugly.
there's like biochem quiz tomorrow and i dont understand anything for ETC and oxidative phosphorylation shit. i wonder what have i been doing in school for like 1 month++?? i realised now i dont understand anything and the term test is just like a few days away.
hahahaha hahaaha i know this is not the right time to laugh and dream like i usually do.. but i'm too stressed out to do anything so here goes my hahaha hahaha ahahhaa
shit i'm really crazy. what a way to start my new blog huh.